The Impatient Patient!

Yes, well that would be ME! I hate to admit it, but I am getting rather impatient at the moment with my recovery, and wish it would just hurry up! To be honest I do find it quite hard letting myself just rest, as it's not really something I do that often, and when I do, I don't think I probably do it very well. I probably need some lessons in relaxing and taking it easy. It's mad really, especially seeing as normally in my job I am always helping other people to relax and unwind and de-stress, but I need to take some of my own advice and look at myself for once. I am TRYING, but my head doesn't stop spinning with stuff that I want to achieve this year, but when I try to do something my body kicks in and says NO, NOT YET. My friends tell me to give myself a break and to just give into my body's requests, and I know they are right, but it is just so hard. Don't get me wrong, I know how important it is to rest because my body has been through A LOT and that in the long-run it will be much better for me if I just let myself have this time, but try telling my head that! And the problem with me is that I just love life and can't wait to do more lovely exciting things, and it's kinda tough sometimes when you don't even feel well enough to watch your favourite programme all the way through (my eyes go all blurry and my head spins and I feel all faint). I am missing dancing like mad too, but know it's going to be quite a long while before I'm back to that (sob sob!). Well today, I have decided I have got try much harder at just trying not to get too excited or worry about all the things I'm just ITCHING to do and I have just got to CHILL OUT (yeah man!).

Being so happy that I'm here!

Every day I am grateful to be here and the fact that I have survived ANOTHER trauma. And I honestly am SO grateful. In fact grateful isn't really the right word, but I can't think of one that is good enough to describe the sheer elation at getting through another operation and that I am still alive. It is truly amazing. I do wonder if maybe I am a really a cat with 9 lives, because I have come back from near-death so manytimes now, I have lost count. I do wonder how many more chances I have left, if any, and I really don't want to have to find out, and it's no use thinking about it.

Another infection

I've now got another infection, which means I am back on the antibiotics, and they have made me more ill than I was, which has been a bit hard to deal with. I keep feeling I am taking steps back. I know in the big picture I am probably not, it just feels like it sometimes and it really is best to just think lovely positive happy thoughts. The hardest thing was the fact that my really important treatment (which I REALLY need and is the one hope to try and get me/keep me well) has had to be delayed because of my infection. It's because the treatment I am on (Infliximab) can make an infection a hundred times worse and therefore it can be really serious. But at the same time, I do really need my treatment to try and keep my crohn's disease at bay. But hopefully it won't be long before I will be able to have it again. There is talk that MAYBE I will have it next week (hooray!), all depending on my blood results, so fingers crossed. If my bloods levels aren't good then I will have to wait a bit longer until they are. Hopefully it won't be long anyway. I've just got to keep positive and be PATIENT! Here's to patience x